


Serious Thoughts

by princettebee



Category: Homestar Runner
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coach Z wonders about his friends, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princettebee/pseuds/princettebee
Summary: It was so much easier to put on a brave face and just laugh it off, and agree with those comments to make it seem like he didn't get the jokes.But he got them, all right. And they really weren't funny.-Coach Z thinks about his feelings.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Serious Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Tried to make the dialogue seem a little realistic for the characters, so there is a bit of vocal quirks for each character but it's not too intense. Best viewed on mobile. Enjoy!

"Next time, try to add some more syllables. Perhaps three. Perhaps four. Pff-"

"No more free-styling. It's really annoying."

"When you said less fortunate, I just assumed you meant Coach Z."

Slouched over his bench, Coach Z sighed heavily, leaning into his hands. It was so much easier to put on a brave face and just laugh it off, and agree with those comments to make it seem like he didn't get the jokes.

But he got them, all right. And they really weren't funny.

\---

Life in Free Country, USA, really wasn't so bad most of the time for Coach Z. He had a stable schedule, working part-time jobs here and there along with running various athletic practices and competitions, and even had enough time to pursue his true passion: performance. With the help of Strong Bad and The Cheat, he got bigger than he could have ever dreamed of - even if only a handful of people saw his rap videos. Being able to do this, and having the friends to help him with it, made him ecstatic. But, the higher his mood got, the more those off-hand comments hurt.

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦, Coach thought to himself. He hated him too. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦.

Whenever somebody needed a friend, or support, or a 𝘤𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩, he would be right there. That's what friends do. And they would take Coach Z's advice, then laugh right in his face.

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘥𝘰, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

"At least I could... make 'em laugh..." Tears began swelling up in Coach Z's eyes. "They're my friends... I lorve makin' 'em laugh. So why does it hurt so bad?"

And just like that, the memories started flowing in. Everything that they said, and everything that he felt.

"𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴, 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘫𝘰𝘬𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥--"

Coach Z's swarm of thoughts got interrupted by a loud knock along with his locker room door opening.

"Hey thewe, Coach!"

Quickly drying his eyes, Coach Z jumped up from his bench to greet the younger man with a wide grin.

"Hey dere, how's it goin' Hamstray?"

"Coach? You seem a wittle weird, more than usual." 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. "Is evewything okay? You missed the warm-up out thewe."

"Hmm? Ohh, crop. I knew I was forgorttin' somethin'! Sorry Homestar, just lost in my own thourghts." Coach Z sat back down and turned away from Homestar. He knew he wasn't really missed by anyone.

Homestar, ever-so oblivious, sat down with the older man and scooched up right next to him.

"Well, now you can come with me! We missed you, so now you gotta make it up to us!"

The coach looked back in shock. "Uh... really?"

"Of couwse! Why wouldn't we?"

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘺𝘰𝘶?

"Just because you'we cweepy and depwessing?" Homestar narrowed his eyes, taking a closer look at Coach Z, and the empty bottles in the open locker behind him. "Coach... Listewine again, weally?"

Coach Z's eyes widened, and he began backing away from Homestar until he almost fell from the bench.

"I, uh... hah, you know. Thing's can get kinda..."

Without a word, Homestar stood up and closed his eyes, appearing to be deep in thought. Coach Z began preparing himself for the worst. He might walk away, he might scold him, or worse, laugh. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩. But as the seconds passed, Homestar just kept standing there. Silent and still. The silence really began to worry Coach Z.

"Listen, Homestar, I-"

But as soon as he began to attempt explaining himself, Homestar shot open his eyes, grabbed the coach by his wrist and dragged him out of the locker room and onto the field.

\---

Once outside, Homestar and Coach Z had noticed that everyone else had left, which clearly frustrated Homestar. Looking left and right frantically, the athlete eventually set a course towards what was unmistakingly Bubs' concession stand.

"Ah jeez, Homestar, I-I dunno if that's such a great idear...!" Coach Z protested, knowing that Bubs was always on his case for something.

As Coach began to speak, Homestar just as quickly shooshed him and began dragging him even faster. Eventually, the two men came upon a wide-smiling blue face.

"Hey, Homestar! And Coach! What can I do for you fine fellas?"

Homestar shoved Coach Z in front of him, right up to the stand. Coach Z's face reddened from shame and he began to sink into himself. Bubs picked up on this immediately but didn't say anything to avoid embarrassing Coach Z further.

"Bubs", said Homestar firmly. "Coach Z's broken."

"I- whort?"

Homestar gave the coach another small push.

"It's not even Decemberween, and he's dwinking Listewine alweady!"

𝘖𝘩. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘪𝘵.

Sensing the mood, Bubs chimed in with careful cheer.

"Celebratin' early, are we Coach? Well, come on back here, I gots a couple a' cold ones we can share!" Bubs winked and smiled even brighter.

"Awright!" Giving Coach Z a third shove, Homestar's job was done. Pretending that he didn't know what was actually going on would make it easier for everybody, so he continued to play dumb and let Bubs handle the situation instead. "Happy real-early Decemberween, Coach!"

As Bubs dragged Coach Z into his stand, he faintly wished him a good Decemberween too.

\---

After pulling in Coach Z, Bubs slammed the door and shutters to his stand to make sure they got their privacy. And with nowhere to go, Coach Z didn't have a choice but to answer to the larger man.

"Alright, spill the beans."

"Northin'!" exclaimed Coach Z, which only made Bubs glare. "Okay, sormthin'."

Bubs sat down on the floor, pulling Coach Z down with him.

"I just... ah jeez, I dunno. I got to thinkin' about stuffs, like with Marzi and everyone else, and how about I'm not really, y'know, liked around here?"

After a moment of silence, Bubs started laughing out loud.

"Wow! Ya know Bubs, I wasn't jokin' dere!"

A couple of chuckles later, Bubs noticed the tears starting to fall down Coach Z's face; a sight all-too familiar.

"I knew this was a bad idora! Even my good pal Bubs thinks I'm just a big jorke. Who am I if I ain't bein' laurfed at? A big Coach N! For nobody!" Bubs began to lean towards Coach Z in an effort to comfort him, but the smaller man just leaned away. "I know you hate me! I do too! What's not ta hate? I'm too weird, I can't talk right... I'm da laughing stark of Free Corntry, USA. I just... wish that people would remember that I'm a person. I've got feelin's...and...and I don't know..."

His words eventually became too difficult to understand through his sobs. And throughout it all, Bubs just sat and listened. At the end of his rant, Coach Z looked at Bubs with a hopeless look in his teary eyes.

"I just wanna disappear, Bubs."

After another moment of silence, Coach Z curled his legs up to his chin and tried his best to make himself smaller, as if to disappear completely. Bubs tried to lean over to comfort him, but he was too shocked from what he heard to move. Bubs knew that what he was saying was right. Everyone did make fun of him, and everyone thought that Coach Z was too stupid to notice. But that didn't mean that they hated him. Quickly, Bubs thought of exactly the right thing to say to his wallowing friend.

"Why did Homestar take you here, Coach?"

Coach Z looked up and sniffled in response.

"I'll tell ya why. He was concerned about you, numbnuts." 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥? "Yeah, you heard me. Everyone knows when things get bad again for you. You start drinkin' lots more, and start missin' out on stuff that ya wouldn't miss for the world! Of course the kid was worried about ya."

"But... everyone's always jokin' at me."

"And what would those jokes be without you? Nobody to wish Homestar a 'good jorb' and make us all laugh, nobody for Strong Bad to prank or rap with, and I can't run a One-o Duo! The name don't work! Are you tellin' me you'd ruin my band name by disappearin'?"

This comment made Coach Z chuckle a little and encouraged him to look up and relax a bit.

"There he is. Listen man, we're not laughin' at ya. Well okay, sometimes we are. But who doesn't get laughed at around here? The point is, we're laughin' 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 ya."

Coach Z smiled sadly, but with a little bit of light back in his eyes, along with the few tears that were left over. Much to the surprise of Bubs, the smaller man quickly leaned into his chest and grabbed his shirt tightly to mimic a hug.

After a moment, Bubs leaned into Coach Z and wrapped one arm around his shoulders.

"Thanks for da nice words, Bubs."

"Yeah, shut up kid."

This caused an explosion of laughter, and they spent the whole night laughing and drinking real drinks on the floor of the concession stand. Together.


End file.
